Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
