you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize