I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
