there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
