I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
