What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize