He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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