Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
