Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
