Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
