Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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