I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
