mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
