Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
