my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
