Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
