Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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