I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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