I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
