Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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