Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
