i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
