dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
