In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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