That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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