Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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