look no pants
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
