i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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