Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Pants are for mortals
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
