I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
