how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
