The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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