I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize