girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
