he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had sex on a roof
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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