arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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