Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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