hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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