I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
