The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
