idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
