i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
