The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
