cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
