i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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