No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
