the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
