whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
