I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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