forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
50% drunk capacity currently
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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