My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
