My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
