My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
