I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
