So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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