You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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