I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
