Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
