the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize