I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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