guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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