Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
