you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sext me about skeletons
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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