I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
