Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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