there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
