Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
