Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
