That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
