I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize