spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
