Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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