My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we're so committed to being not committed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
