Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
