i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
