the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
