Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
