I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
