There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
