Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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