i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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