rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
