I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
