found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
