I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
