Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize