Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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