i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
