i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
