Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
