i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
